I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So much rum. So many feels.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
