You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
