I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
