I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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