While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
