the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
