I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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