last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
