dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ttyl tear gas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
