I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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