just tell him i said nine months
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
