think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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