dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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