Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
