..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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