You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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