Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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