Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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