ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
