Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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