Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
