hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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