my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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