life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
