Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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