I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
