Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
