Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
