I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
