Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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