His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
