apparently the secret to your success is patron
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
