I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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