He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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