his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
