Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
