Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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