so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
