he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had to cum in my sink.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
