...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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