Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
