oh god the rape fog is back!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
