i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
