It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
