i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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