Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
