i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
