I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
