He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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