i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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